Wants and needs, how they differ and why it matters

Needs are primal and something that you feel you really must have. Needs feel essential, necessary to well-being and don't change much over time. They are unique to each individual and are often surprisingly subjective and subtle. You can delay your needs, sacrifice them or ignore them but they don't tend to disappear.

Wants are also deeply felt but are less tied to emotional survival. Wants are created by wishes and desires and often do change with circumstances.

Learning to articulate and negotiate this aspect of marriage is helpful to maintaining intimacy and to feeling whole as individuals within the structure of marriage.

Why do we discuss this in advance of marriage? 


Once the wedding is over one of next frontiers that will occupy your attention is the daily emotional negotiation in which each of you tries to get your needs and wants met without feeling hampered by your spouse or resentful that you are being asked to sacrifice too much.

This negotiation is subtle, can be non-verbal and often is the root of arguments. I will help learn a positive language for sharing your needs and private wishes with your spouse. We will also focus on ways skills for getting needs met without asking your spouse to stop being who they are.

Can PreMarital Counseling help me determine my wants from my needs?

Yes it can. I'll help you explore, define, communicate and negotiate your needs and wants.

Email is the quickest way to reach me.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Warm regards,

Laressa Desmond PhD

CPC CA LMFT

Laressa Desmond, PhD, LMFT